A Startling Surprise
by Lavvy
Summary: He should've thrown her onto a port. He should've thrown her overboard. Heck, he should've shot her. He should've done anything but let her stay on board The Pearl.


**Disclaimer:** If I actually did have rights to these characters, would I be writing fanfiction at 4:30 in the morning?

**Author's Note:** My only request is that you the reader should read to the end of this story. What you get out of it, is really up to you. This is just a product of a sleepless night.  
Thank you.

* * *

Jack Sparrow-no-_Captain _Jack Sparrow was used to waking up to a splitting headache in his cabin the day after a festive night in port. After all, what was the point of being a pirate if one didn't have a _bloody_ good time when one was on land? 

A splitting headache after all the fun was worth it.

What the dear captain wasn't used to-oddly enough-was the fact that he felt a distinct presence lying on his chest.

The captain opened his eyes to check if he wasn't dreaming, and what he came face to face with, I must say, startled him enough.

A pair of tiny, watery eyes were staring right back at him.

Jack, of course, jumped in surprise. He may have been drunk the night before, but he wasn't _that_ drunk to actually let _her_ onto his ship. Or onto his bed for that matter.

As expected, the creature that had been lying so peacefully on his chest had slipped from the sudden jolt and had landed with an indignant squeak on the actual bed.

Jack stared down at her, and pondered about what he could do to remedy this situation. He could just shoot her and get it over with. The _Pearl _wouldn't be making port for some time. He had a whole crew to think of, and this would be another mouth to feed.

Now he couldn't have that. Bad for business that would be.

Then again he couldn't just shoot her. It would be a waste of bullets. Especially since he could have a jolly good time shooting an undead monkey. Shooting her would only happen once. After that, he would have to throw her overboard or risk a rotting carcass.

So what could he do?

"I'm going out to the brig. And when I come back, you better not be here," he told the body in his bed. He didn't wait for an answer, like she could in fact give him one.

After all, what he couldn't see won't hurt him. Or the crew for that matter.

* * *

He was steering the ship. Where to...now...that was a whole other subject. It wasn't his fault that the blasted compass wouldn't make up its mind. 

No, not his fault at all.

Jack gazed out into the horizon, pondering his next move. The crew would be getting antsy, after all it has been a "speck of time" since they've been doing any plunderin' or what have them.

Not that it mattered. Jack had a plan. A plan full of holes and vague explanations, but a plan nonetheless.

And that was when, lost in his ruminations, that he heard the light pitter-patter of feet.

Jack glanced down from his elevated height, and _she _came into view. She was small, but not invisible in the glaring sunlight. An exasperated sigh escaped from the captain's lips.

When he said **_gone_**, he didn't mean outside on deck. What would the crew say?

Then again, this was a ship. Where was she to go? Besides, what can she do? Eat all the food, cause general mischief, and maybe spread the plague.

Hmmm…maybe not the last one. But then again, never underestimate a creature like **_her_**.

"Next time we dock," Jack promised himself, "I'm throwing Suzanne out."

Now where did _that _name come from? Oh well, he liked the name.

* * *

It has been 3 weeks, and yet there she was, still sharing Captain Jack's room. Albeit only a corner of his room-the far, drafty corner-but his room nonetheless. 

Jack sighed in annoyance. There she was again, scurrying about at this godforsaken hour. Didn't she **_sleep_**? Like any normal creature would, human or animal?

He should've thrown her out. But one look into those tiny eyes of hers and…well…

"Should've just wasted a bullet and shot you," Jack told her, and received another squeak of disapproval as a response.

They really need to work on her communication skills. Heck, the bloody **_monkey_ **was easier to read.

He should just throw her in with the crew. Gibbs was already blathering on about how she was a danger. _A beast_ he had called her.

He should at least keep her caged up somehow. She would prove less of a bother.

But Jack couldn't do that, not when he valued his own freedom so much.

**_Bloody hell_**, she was making a racket. That's it, he going to lock her up in a box tomorrow.

Now where to find an empty box?

* * *

Jack happily swaggered into his room the next day. There was the solution to his little _female_ problem, displayed in all its glory on his desk. 

And now to find the particular problem in question…

"Ah, there you are," Jack called, spying Suzy quietly pressed up in her little corner. He immediately bounded over and scooped up the poor dear in question into his hands.

"I've gotten you a nice little house to play in," he told her, after he brought her up to face level so that she could see him eye to eye. She was such a small little creature that she fit in the palm of his hand, with only her bare, segmented, and currently twitching tail dangling down to his wrist. "Now you won't be such a bother."

Suzy squeaked again, which only got a patronizing tut out of Jack. "I won't have any of that," he said, wagging his finger at the little creature in his hand. He often wondered why he thought she was a female.

Then again, only a female would ever squeak when angry. He knew that from experience.

Jack strode over to the empty box currently lying on his desk. He did feel a tad guilty for boxing up the dear animal. After all, what had she done to him that was so egregiously horrible?

Nothing that a few well aimed shots at the monkey couldn't fix.

But he had gone through all the effort to dig up an empty crate, as well as some crumbs of food for her.

Besides, Jack always wanted a pet rat.


End file.
